TEN Women
Written on October 13, 2021


If you have ever felt you or others keep crossing your (own) boundaries, but you feel insecure and uncomfortable setting or sensing them, then keep reading. You might feel that if you do set boundaries, you might hurt or lose people in the proces. The question is; where in the proces did you lose touch with your true self?

When we are just a baby or a young child, we look for others to confirm our worth. That is how we mirror ourselves and look at the world; through others. We adjust and move towards and away from the (dis)approval of our caretakers. In this way we have created our beliefs and values, but also how we have or have not set boundaries around our personal space.

As an example; you might please others in order to get their approval or to avoid confrontation. In your childhood, this was a very normal thing to do and has made you feel safe. But in your adult life, you are starting to notice this is taking it’s toll on your energy and you want to break through this old pattern. However, it feels uncomfortable doing so and you have no idea where to start. Maybe sometimes you only notice someone has crossed your boundary when it is too late; you do not sense them being crossed to start with.

The key to healing an old pattern is through building a new relationship with your true self.


“Here are 5 tips on how to set new healthy boundaries and embrace your true self:

  • Dare to be uncomfortable in giving words to what you actually desire from others and yourself.

  • Talk often and deeply with the ones you love about what is uncomfortable for you in setting your boundaries.

  • Ask one person in your life you deeply trust how they would feel if you would set ‘x’ boundary.

  • Practice setting small new boundaries with only a few and dear people in your life before you do this with others that you are less comfortable with or close to.

  • Notice the feeling of discomfort in your body when talking to others; this is often a sign of one of your values, beliefs or boundaries being touched. Ask yourself after; which words or actions were uncomfortable for me and why is this important to me?

Prepare to move through the discomfort in order to find being truly comfortable with yourself. This is how you will build a soft but strong emotional resilience and set new and healthy boundaries in what is important to you.

Remember the relationship with yourself is the most valuable of them all. And just like all relationships, it requires a recipe of unconditional love and lots of patience.


Written by TEN Women